To myself a year from now

Note: This is my first blog post in 20 months, and so much has happened ever since. I started writing this piece on the evening of January 11, 2016 and came up with the final version four days later. Here’s to more blog entries this 2016!

Hello from the other side. It’s me, your 18-year-old self. How have you been? A year can do a lot to a person, and I’m hoping it has put you in a much better place than I am right now. (I was originally planning on writing a New Year’s resolution, but we both know it’ll just go to waste.) As I’m writing this, it’s a quarter before midnight, and by the time I get to the next paragraph, it will most likely be a new day. I just finished listening to Adele’s “Hello” which until this day many are still raving about. Today’s actually the first time I got to listen to the whole song. I gave it a try after reading an interesting article suggesting that the person to whom she’s addressing the song might not really be an ex-lover of hers, but her younger self. I admit that it kind of made me want to write something to my younger self too, but since I’m not very fond of the idea of communicating with someone from the past, I decided I’ll just write to someone else. Next thing I know, I’m writing you this.

I wonder where you are right now. Chances are you’re in a cold classroom either listening to your professor’s lecture or waiting for it to end. Maybe you’re in the MRT train on the way home, sandwiched between two equally-tired bodies. Or maybe you’re in a place you’ve never been before. You’re 19 now, and I’m really curious about how much you’ve changed. (Have you finally gotten laid?) I just turned 18 three weeks ago, and mind you, there’s a lot of pressure that comes with being this age. It’s like I’m drifting in some sort of limbo between childhood and adulthood, and the world is forcing me to get to the other side as soon as possible. When I will get out of this limbo I still don’t know. Perhaps you’ve gotten out of it at 19? I won’t get mad if you haven’t though. I hope you don’t rush things, especially becoming an adult. I hope you’re still clinging to that last shred of childhood remaining in you.

I hope you say yes more often now. I hope you say yes when a college friend asks you to come to a birthday party in a faraway province. Maybe that friend really thinks of you as a friend so much so that he or she mustered the courage to invite you to a place way beyond your familiar orbit.  I hope you say yes when you get asked to run for a position in whatever organization you’re currently in. Believe me when I say that though maintaining good grades is an indispensable part of staying in UP and in your degree program, grades are the last thing you’d want to take away from this whole experience. So be out there and participate. Make awesome memories. Say yes as long as it won’t put you behind bars.

I hope you don’t stop pursuing writing even though your head will be buried in thick accounting books in the years to come. I hope you don’t feel like a sellout anymore because of shifting from Journalism to your current degree program. I hope you’ve submitted your works to that literary contest you’ve been dreaming of joining since high school. You see, you don’t always have to wait for the perfect moment to start writing. Perfection is overrated. What you feel is good enough, and sometimes good enough is actually good enough.

I hope you realize that college is not a race to the finish line, and if people still tell you that it is, I hope you realize that it doesn’t matter if you fail to finish first. If ever that happens, the people who truly love you will not love you any less. I know that you’re still asking yourself, “Do I make my younger self proud?” And to that I say yes. You do. Every single day. So enjoy the journey while it lasts.

And lastly I hope you remember that I was here, alive not only in these words I once breathed life into but also in every space in between. I hope you remember that I once wrote you this in a strangeness of a night when the only logical thing I thought of doing was writing to someone I’ll never get an answer from.

Goodbye from the other side.


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About erwinagapay

A music and movie lover, aspiring author and filmmaker, and a junior student at the University of the Philippines Diliman.

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